Sunday, June 23, 2019


 Gonna flip a coin today to decide what this post will be about. Heads we'll talk about growing old. Tails we discuss just how fast you can fly a motorcycle past a county officer before getting stopped.

 Heads it is. It took several tries to flip that damn quarter and get it to land on the BSA seat and stay put. I've only had two wine coolers or fizzies or something like that, so I know thats not the problem.

 The other day the boss wanders into my work area like he owns the place, which I guess he does, and starts telling me about an old man outside. The old man is using a walker and doesn't move very fast but hes kinda like the energizer bunny and just keeps going. The boss went out to meet him and find out whats up and the guy just saw the Automower cutting our yard and had a few questions. Not questions like he was gonna buy one. Just curiosity questions. Well even energizer batteries get weak and eventually this old guy needs a rest. The boss offers him a seat on a nearby trailer bed and starts asking questions cuz something didn't seem right. Turns out this guy is on a mission. He wanted to walk to the gas station and buy a hot dog. Normally buying a gas station hot dog is a non-event. The interesting part is what that dog does to your digestive system and how fast it wants out. Anyway, the problem here is that our friend walked from the nursing home without telling anyone. I went online and measured and it would have been about 400 yards door to door if he took the shortest route. It must have taken him a long time at his pace. He was offered a ride and eventually accepted one provided he could stop for that hot dog. Unfortunately nurse Ratchet was hot on his trail and found him before we could get a vehicle over to him. I don't know if he ever got his hot dog.
 For me this event really messes with my head. One of the guys in the shop knows this guy. Hes lived a full active life as an independent responsible adult. He hasn't lost his mind and he can still kinda get around. It just seems sad to me that at some point something as simple as wanting to walk to the gas station for a hot dog won't be doable. I guess the lesson here is not to take youth and good health for granted.


Wednesday, June 19, 2019

Repost-Apes and Cows

 I've been going back in the archives and reading some of my old posts about bikes I used to own. This one is a favorite from July 2014 that I thought I'd share with some of my newer audience. 

Apes and Cows

 I wonder what they would do if the gate was open? Do you think they would still be so interested in the shiny red bike?

 I think they would come over and check it out. If they could, they'd ask a bunch of questions like "who makes Aprilia?" "Is that a Harley?" Well, all except that one cow dressed in black standing by itself. He's looking the other way pretending to not be interested. Probably smells like shit. Not even another cow will stand next to him. I can relate but I'd still be checking out the Italian iron. Do you know why? Because I like all flavors of bike.
 As the former owner of this Aprilia Futura, having logged over seventy thousand miles on it, I can tell you that a bike like this will generate a lot of interest. There are not a lot of them around and this pic doesn't do it justice but that red paint is different than any other red bike you've seen. When this bike stops for fuel, someone will say something about it. The owner, Mary-Anne, sent me the pic. She told me she is thinking about selling her whole stable of bikes and getting something different. I say go for it. Life is short and there are a lot of bikes out there to be enjoyed.
 This pic gets me thinking. I do things to my bikes that I like. I think a front fender made from expanded steel is kinda cool. The same goes for tail light mounts that remind me of the Sputnik satellite or an eagle on top of a sissy bar. Am I doing it for attention? No. I don't think so. These things are an expression of myself and can also be an ice breaker to strike up a conversation with people that would not normally come near me. Kinda like our friend in the cow picture.
  So after a little chat with a stranger, I'm no longer just a dick head. I'm a dick head with a cool front fender.


Sunday, June 16, 2019

Fischer Family Reunion

Technology has failed me today. This post comes to you late and without pics...unless one of the other many attempts made to publish it come through. 

I find myself waking up in a hotel room a couple hours from home. Sure we could have drove home last night but it was a long day and the older I get the more I appreciate a full nights sleep. 

The reason we were out of town was a family reunion on my wife's side. Some of these people see each other all the time, some just at wedding's and funerals. Others have been out of state for a long time. The emotions were flowing for some and a lot of hugs were exchanged.  That's really what a reunion is about, right?  Me, I'm not an outsider but I didnt know all these people in my youth so it's not the same. I did get to see some of my kids which was a nice Father's Day gift for me. 
The event was held on a beautiful piece of property complete with a log cabin and pond. I could get used to a place like that and I feel the location really was an important part of why people had a good time. Some even camped overnight including Chayse and Alaura who pedaled bikes 45 miles to get there. I don't remember ever having that kind of energy.  A personal highlight for me was when my cornhole sugar momma Karen and I kicked ass in bags, beating two of my daughters. Those kids thrive on beating me at games and I deny them whenever I can, and yesterday  I could. 
Happy Father's Day!

Wednesday, June 12, 2019

Bike Wash

 Spring has been busy and come to think of it last fall was too. The Ultra spent the winter with a layer of bugs splattered all over along with a bunch of road grime. Never had a chance to wash it before temps dropped below freezing. Yesterday I was finally able to find the time to give it a bath.

 In order to wash the entire bike the way it should be done a person needs a few hours. The saddle bags should come off, the luggage should come off, the wheels should be scrubbed etc. I wasn't willing to make that kind of commitment and just wanted it to look presentable. After all, its just gonna get dirty and full of bugs next time I ride it.
 My process starts with something like S100 that can be sprayed on and allowed to loosen those bugs. After that comes a hard rinse. The bike now had a little longer to soak as I needed to get a bucket of hot water and soap.

 While I was inside getting that hot water, Mowby Dick took the opportunity to get all tangled up in my garden hose. No action shots of that cuz I wanted to quickly get him untangled before the little shit cut the hose. That Dick came from the other side of the house just to sniff out what I was up to. I scolded him and sent him on his way but not before hosing him down. I run him rain or shine and the other day he was wet before going under some bridal wreath bushes. He don't care.

 So now the bike gets hot water and suds to remove what was left. The areas I started in dried before I got back to rinse them but looked great. I left it. Again it was a half assed job but the bike does look much better. One thing that didn't look so great was my blog sticker.

 Maybe the pic doesn't show it well but the sticker on the bike is quite faded. Its supposed to be removable but that sucker wasn't peeling off so I did just like on the license plates and just slapped a new sticker over the top of the old one. One sticker deep isn't bad and I might even get away with three but after that I'll need a new plan.


Sunday, June 9, 2019

Bathroom Remodel Wrap Up

 Ya I know you're getting sick of hearing about this damn bathroom remodel but I promise this is the final post unless theres a huge failure that makes it blog worthy.

 In earlier posts you may remember there was a picture here of a forest or garden or something green. It was put up because underneath it was a boy band poster that has become a permanent part of the wall. When we tried to remove it the drywall paper was coming up. The simple solution is to bury it deeper with something fun like this v-twin. Our house. We like it. End of discussion.

 Moving left around the room we pass the tub. Before I start a project like this I try to envision what I want the end product to be. Because of the ultra slow pace, there was time to make changes as we went along. That shower panel changes the entire feel of where I thought this project was going.

 Continuing left we pass a closet. Not much to report here except some fun detail like the door knob.

 Still moving counter clockwise. I have mixed feelings about the curtain. Just the fact that I wrote that should get my wife searching for something with a motorcycle theme :-)
 I wanted a bigger sink/vanity but getting something bigger up the spiral staircase would have been difficult. I also wanted a urinal but wasn't willing to make the huge plumbing commitment needed to make that happen. Just because I didn't get those things doesn't mean I don't like it. It should serve us well.

 Another fun detail.

 And finally the BSA. Maybe looking at this pic when I'm standing there with my crank in my hand will get me motivated to finish that project. Just to put things more into perspective, I took that picture when I was in high school photography class. It didn't run then either. Procrastinating on this BSA project has become a life long ordeal.


Wednesday, June 5, 2019

Mowby Blade Change

 Mowby Dick has been living up to his namesake, meaning he's a dick. I have a spot at the end of the driveway that is bare from parking over it. I decided it would be nice to get some grass to grow there so I dumped a little fresh topsoil down, raked it out and seeded it. Four seconds later Mowby Dick rolls through my project. I mean I knew he was gonna drive though it but couldn't he wait till I wasn't looking?

 Actually, its kind of an experiment. I want to see if I can grow seed despite his activity in the lawn. I've seen spilled grass seed growing in some pretty odd places so why not in my lawn? The machine doesn't weigh much so I guess its just a matter of how much spinning and churning of the area that he does.
 Yesterday I had an Automower customer come into the store and tell me about having to change his blades more often than suggested. He wasn't complaining, just keeping me up to date on his mowers progress. He keeps a perfectly maintained lawn and the Automower just does a nicer job with fresh blades. This made me think about when I last changed Mowbys blades and decided he was due. I set my screwdriver and blades near the edge of the drive and didn't have to wait long for that little dickhead to come over and try to run them over. I hit the stop button and punched in my security code.

  I flipped him over on his back and gave him a little scratchy poo to distract him from the fact I had a screwdriver in my other hand. He giggled and I quickly removed one of the blade screws.

  The silver disc is just a skid plate. The blades are mounted on a disc (below it in the pic) with three mounting screws.

 Line up the hole in the disc with a mounting screw. Then its a simple matter of removing the old screw and replacing the two sided razor blade with a new screw. Normally I'd take this opportunity to remove the top cover and clean him off a bit but Mowbys personal hygiene practices must be working cuz he didn't look too bad.

  After spending decades sitting on a mower cutting grass for others, it sure is nice to "cut grass" while sitting in a lawn chair slurping down a beer.


Sunday, June 2, 2019

Strange Encounter

 I was just stumbling through life minding my own business when a dude approaches me.

Dude: Hi Matt, Howz it going?
Me: Great Jim, How are you?
Dude: Um, I'm not Jim.
Me (pointing at my name tag on my work shirt) Ya, well I'm not Matt.
Dude: Aren't you the guy that sprays lawns?
Me: Its true I have sprayed many a lawn but these days I just manage a crew.
Dude: Well you work for Dick, right?
Me: No I don't work for dick. Did you call my boss a dick?
Dude: No, I asked if you spray lawns for Dick.
Me: (pointing at the business name over my other shirt pocket) No but I have some customers named          Dick so technically I work for some Dicks but my boss isn't a Dick.
Dude: You're not Matt? I thought you were Matt.
Me: I'm not Matt but I have a guy on my crew named Matt.
Dude: Did he used to work for Dick?
Me: I doubt it. Hes a married man.
Dude: I don't think I know you.
Me: Have a good night Jim.

 I told him I wasn't Matt but that wasn't good enough for him. Did he think I stole a shirt from some guy named Scott? Maybe he thought I was in the witness protection program and my new name was Scott. Did he think I was avoiding him because I owed him money? Was he just stoned to the bone? I dunno.
 On the other hand, I wonder how he recalls the encounter. "I saw Matt today. He was pretending to be someone named Scott. What a dick".