The Warranty Process

"Its a brand new tiller and we never got it running". I enjoy a challenge but this one was easy. If you're gonna lie about it never running at least clean the mud off the tines. Now explain to me how an engine that never ran has a scored cylinder. Nobody wants to be accountable for their actions these days. Its always somebody elses fault and they will make up lies to ensure that. The saddest part is that the customer didn't have to lie. There was a legit issue with the equipment that the customer had no control over. A warranty claim was filed.

 This is typical of the kind of thing I've been seeing a lot more of lately. A person goes to the big box store, buys a cheap piece of shit and has problems. One of the problems is that they are selling "disposable" outdoor power equipment. The biggest problem is that the big box store doesn't do what a shop like ours does. At the big box stores you will get an offer to purchase an extended warranty but thats where it ends. A shop like the one I work at starts by matching the equipment purchase to the consumer needs. We set up the machines, test run them and train the customer how to operate and maintain them. Nobody leaves before all their questions are answered. I do see a problem every so often when a guy is too macho to listen to what I'm telling him, then later comes back bad mouthing the product. A good example is warm starting procedure for a chainsaw. We explained it when they bought the saw, theres a big sticker right there on the saw, but "nobody told me that". With a smile I politely point out the sticker right there on the saw is a reminder and the fact that its in the owners manual. OK I don't smile very often. In fact on the inside I'm quoting Red Forman...Dumbass! You were too smart to listen, now you're being schooled! The point is, the customer receives one-on-one help for their issues and usually leaves happy. If you ask the big box store for help on warranty issues they send you to us.

 When they are sent to us, I find people lie all the time about equipment that needs repair. Usually its because they weren't educated on the equipment and did something wrong. I don't mind setting them straight, denying warranty and writing up a bill for diagnostics even when the machine wasn't fixed. I'm not a dick about it, I just don't feel sorry for a person that brings on bad juju from their dishonesty. You'll get something for nothing if its covered under warranty. All others pay. You have to remember, the equipment manufacturers are our biggest repair customers due to warranty claims. We are on the customers side and make every claim we know will be accepted. Sometimes we can even get the manufacturers to agree to a goodwill gesture of some sort. The sad part about all of this is that it could have been avoided if they bought from a shop like ours that educates the customer. 

 Sometimes we have to educate a customer when we are explaining why they don't have a valid warranty claim. It makes me sad when I see a customer bring in all their paperwork and proof of purchase for a piece of equipment that won't run only to be denied a claim. They think it will be a free repair and then they get a bill. I have to be the dickhead that explains why. I do my best to let them down easy and be thorough in my explanation. I don't use 8x10 color glossy prints but I will show them pics from my phone. It must be a lot like seeing that the biggest package under the tree has your name on it, only to have some grumpy elf drop in and explain there was a clerical error at the main office and this gift ain't for you. 

 This happened yesterday. We've been busy so repairs are at least a week out so right away customers are antsy. I get a work order that has all the receipts and such attached and this tells me the customer isn't expecting a bill. Now the engine manufacturers have no control over what you put in the fuel tank and bad fuel isn't a manufacturer defect. A lot of people don't get that. A carb kit and cleaning labor fixed a problem with a rusty scum buildup issue in a chainsaw carb. The customer wasn't furious but he was whatever the next level of pissed off is right below that. He said he uses only premium fuel, no ethanol, and the brand name oil we sell. I told him I believed him and started asking a few questions. He told me where he buys his fuel and that he uses a one gallon can. If you deal with this stuff every day then you know where I'm going with my line of questions. This particular station uses one hose pumps. That is, whatever grade is selected comes out the same hose. I had to explain to him that he was getting at least some of whatever grade the guy before him pumped. There was a chance a good portion of his one gallon can was ethanol. Now if his can wasn't sealed tight with the humidity we've been having, theres also a good chance it was pulling moisture right out of thin air. BTW, to get around this problem, pump the first gallon or two into your vehicle before you fill your can with the good stuff.

 He wasn't happy about the situation. Heres a guy that thought he was doing everything right only to find out he was overlooking a few points. He was a reasonable man and didn't blame me for anything. In fact he thanked me for taking the time to explain everything. At the end of it all he said. " I wish I would have bought my saw from here".

 This is getting long but I have one more. A customer brings in a tiller, much like the first one I talked about. Someone must have been having a sale on crappy tillers. They never got it started and I believe them. First, if you follow the starting procedures on the sticker you will flood it every time and never get it started. Second, when I finally did get it started it wouldn't idle. It was set too low. I explained all this to the claims department of the distributor. I was talking with them because I wanted to make at least a minimal warranty claim for my time to get their piece of shit tiller running for their customer. We didn't sell the machine so we didn't make a dime on the deal but the customer was sent to us for service. He wanted to deny any claim because I told him I had to turn the idle up to keep it running. We went back and forth and both fell just short of any name calling. He did finally state he doesn't normally handle warranty claims but "Idle adjustment is clearly explained in the owners manual and the customer shouldn't have had to bring it in to you". "Oh really?", I said. "Please explain to me how the customer was supposed to know the idle was set too low on an engine they were never able to get started?" There was a long pause and then he gave me a claim number. Dumbass.

Later.

Stolen Bike Theatre

 Now that I'm posting videos once a week I thought it might be fun to retell some stories from the blog in those videos. Theres a good chance some of these are buried so deep that nobody would ever find them anyway so posting them on my youtube channel will give them new life. Todays episode was originally found on the blog under the name Is This Your Bag Of Weed?

 No I didn't bump my head and I'm not drunk. I'm just having a hard time adjusting to all this free time on my hands. To be honest, I too was getting sick of all the tool box posts and figured it was time to really mix things up. Thats not to say there won't be more toolbox posts because I have a few in mind but I think we all need some variety.

Later.

New Year Resolution

 Last night I wrote this post about how I was gonna be less of a dick head this year and try to improve my interactions with others. It went on and on in detail about how I would accomplish that goal. Lets be honest here, I made that same resolution back in 2017 and according to coworkers it lasted about fifteen minutes. Maybe this time if I try really hard and people aren't doing stupid shit all around me, I can be less of a dick head for the whole month of January.

 If you follow this blog then you know I've started to post videos on Sundays. One of my daughters caught on to that and decided a good Christmas gift would be a wireless mic. If you've seen (or heard) those videos then you know she was right. I like to pic up the camera and shoot free hand video and there is a lot of noise created by doing that. Also the volume of my voice changes a lot when speaking to the camera vs speaking from behind the camera. I'm not trying to win any awards here with my film making abilities but I do know how hard it is to suffer through a piss poor video no matter how interested I am in the subject matter. Here is the setup.

 What I have is a GoPro mounted in an aluminum case. That case has a compartment under it for the special adapter GoPro makes you buy to connect an outside audio source to the camera. I can then plug the wireless mic into that adapter. The phone on the tripod is an old one that I kept as a spare. It has the GoPro app on it and allows me to see what the camera sees or even control the camera. Really it just allows me to center the frame. In some of the videos I've noticed things were a bit wonky so this helps with setup and will show me if I'm about to step out of the shot. As far as controlling the GoPro, it has voice commands for that and works great when you remember the commands. I should have saved the video where I'm yelling at the camera telling it to stop filming.
 Maybe today I can get over to the shop and test this rig out and get you a video for Sunday. I wish everyone a happy new year and hope you can stick to your resolutions better than I have in the past.

Later.

Strange Encounter

 I was just stumbling through life minding my own business when a dude approaches me.

Dude: Hi Matt, Howz it going?
Me: Great Jim, How are you?
Dude: Um, I'm not Jim.
Me (pointing at my name tag on my work shirt) Ya, well I'm not Matt.
Dude: Aren't you the guy that sprays lawns?
Me: Its true I have sprayed many a lawn but these days I just manage a crew.
Dude: Well you work for Dick, right?
Me: No I don't work for dick. Did you call my boss a dick?
Dude: No, I asked if you spray lawns for Dick.
Me: (pointing at the business name over my other shirt pocket) No but I have some customers named          Dick so technically I work for some Dicks but my boss isn't a Dick.
Dude: You're not Matt? I thought you were Matt.
Me: I'm not Matt but I have a guy on my crew named Matt.
Dude: Did he used to work for Dick?
Me: I doubt it. Hes a married man.
Dude: I don't think I know you.
Me: Have a good night Jim.

 I told him I wasn't Matt but that wasn't good enough for him. Did he think I stole a shirt from some guy named Scott? Maybe he thought I was in the witness protection program and my new name was Scott. Did he think I was avoiding him because I owed him money? Was he just stoned to the bone? I dunno.
 On the other hand, I wonder how he recalls the encounter. "I saw Matt today. He was pretending to be someone named Scott. What a dick".

Later.

Sweetness-Day Seven

 Flashback: My last post was all about my resolution to be nicer to others. Its not like I run around being a jerk, I just want to make a special effort to be friendlier. This is one of those things that I should have just kept to myself. It seems if I sway off the path a bit that someone will remind me. No matter, I'll kill em with kindness.
 Being nice isn't hard but why do I feel built up frustration every so often. The other day some jag off passed me with his hemi half ton. He dang near clipped the back of the beemer when he pulled out then wedges himself in my safe following distance of the car I was behind. When he pulled out and passed that car, I followed and blew his doors off. I immediately felt better. He can't pick me out in a lineup so I wasn't really a dickhead, it was just some guy in a bmw.

 I wrote that a little better than ten months ago. Its been sitting as a draft here on Blogger and is a one week follow up to this post, a new year resolution to be nicer. Have I been nicer? A little maybe for some of the year but lately I've tried to be a better example for our niece Stefany that has been staying with us for a couple months now. It seems easier to be less of a dickhead when the goal is being a good role model rather then just not pissing off some stranger.
 I know Stefany thinks she is a burden but nothing could be further from the truth. The fact is that trying to set a good example has put me back in a better place mentally and emotionally like when we had our daughters in the house. I think a better part of me left when they did. The last couple years were a free for all as far as my behavior is concerned.

Thanksgiving 2018 is in the books.

 Now before a bunch of coworkers jump on here and tell me my dickheadedness hasn't tapered off one bit, I ask you to look at the gaps between my outbursts and not the outbursts themselves. I lost it the other day when a coworker gave me shit for a big mess of water on the shop floor that came from the ride-on sprayer I'm building. I know it looked like I made the mess but the fact is that is that the boss ran the unit to check out the spray pattern. I could have calmly pointed that out but instead spewed some verbal diarrhea at him and I regret that. Hey, there's no halo and wings here, just some guy trying to get through one day at a time.
 If you're reading this then know that I probably spent a lot of time with my finger on the post button deciding if I should let my guard down. Also know that next time you see a lame post with just a bunch of pics that mean nothing, I'm probably holding back some great poem or prayer that I'm not willing to share with anyone else.

Later.

Nobodys Fault

 I don't want this blog to become just one big rant about a-hole customers but some stories just need to be told so I can get them off my chest. An elderly gentleman walks into the store carrying a small string trimmer. Well to be accurate, he had two parts of one trimmer. That is, the power head was separated from the shaft/handle/trimmer head. I escorted him back into the shop and we set the patient on the work bench. Right away I thought the unit looked like one I may have worked on recently because of the new fuel lines that were on it. The next thing I noticed was that the end of the shaft that goes into the clutch was all fouled up and that the inner driveshaft or bearings/liner was most likely damaged because the head wouldn't turn.
 "It looks like it broke either when the shaft came out or when you tried to cram the shaft back in".
 "Now just wait a minute! I will not have you blaming me for this". he said.
 I asked if the trimmer was in one piece when he tried to start it. "Yes" was his reply.
 I asked if he tried to put it back together. "Yes" again.
 I asked him how my statement was inaccurate and he said "I didn't ask you who broke it and I don't want to know how it broke, just tell me if you can fix it"
 I then began to explain that the cost and availability of parts for a 15 year old trimmer may not be a worthwhile effort, especially if you are having difficulty pull starting it. (He had mentioned shoulder surgery) He then told me that he bought the unit new less than two years ago from another shop. So now I know he is not only a dick, but either a liar or senile. I suspect the latter. I really hope that some other shop didn't screw this guy over that bad because the price he claims to have paid should have got him a new machine.
 He could see that repairing this one wasn't a good idea and started giving me the sob story. He just had shoulder surgery and had to clamp the machine in a vise to hold it so he could pull the cord. It started making sense now and I could see the scratches on the tube of the machine where it was clamped. He eventually pulled the head right off the shaft.

 Anyway, I told him about the advantages of a battery powered machine and told him I could show him models from three different manufacturers. We eventually found one that he was comfortable with and wanted to purchase. Now he asks how much trade in value his old unit had.
 Our policy on these handheld trade-ins is simple. I figure how much we can get for the unit and subtract repair costs. Whats left is your trade-in value. If he leaves the unit here, trade or not, this will be its final resting place.

 I tried explaining that our cost to make it sale worthy would exceed what we could get for it but I'd give him ten dollars despite that fact it was going in the dumpster. He started whining about how I should have known this was gonna happen when I repaired the fuel lines earlier. I wanted to tell him "Now just wait a minute, yer not gonna blame this on me!" but instead I said nobody knew you were gonna clamp it in a vise to try to start it. "There he goes again" as he turned toward a coworker. " He keeps blaming me for this and I'll not have that!" "I didn't clamp the tube in the vise, it was the engine where the shaft goes in. I never mentioned that the tube was clamped, he offered that up on his own.

If this end was clamped in a vise the paint would be chipped but it's not.

 Steve overheard most of our conversation and was actually involved in helping the gentleman figure out how to start the machine when he picked it up after that previous repair. Now that the guy was re-telling his whole story to Steve, I took the opportunity to slip out of there. They worked out a deal, the details of which I couldn't care less. I'm still not sure if the guy was a dick, a liar or senile.
 What the hell? You bring your trimmer in for service and it runs perfect when you pick it up. Because you don't have enough gumption to pull start it, you clamp it in a vise. I can picture him yanking on the cord with the engine unsupported until he loosened the engine from the tube. BTW, the stop switch was in the stop position. I always look at this because people just don't move the switch to "off" if the unit never started and the ones that truly don't run always come to me with the switch "on". Now you dicked up the machine and are gonna blame me and accept no blame yourself?
 For me it seems better to just step away from these situations and vent here. Thanks for listening. Oh ya, you came here for motorcycle content. Well, I'm gonna go for a ride today. Vroom vroom.

Later.

Holiday Weekend Wrapup

  Some of you may have taken four or more days to enjoy the holiday weekend. I did not. I volunteered to work Saturday and Monday although I could have taken them off if I had made plans. The few plans I did have mostly fit in around business hours at work. Good thing we were open because a lot of people were at the store for rentals, repair work, landscape supplies, grilling pellets and lp tank refills.
 One guy was a dick otherwise the customers were all in a pretty good mood. I was the only person in the shop that was available to hook his chainsaw up to a computer to check for error codes and I was 15 minutes behind schedule for leaving to do some of those plans I just talked about. He didn't care and insisted he couldn't leave his saw behind because he makes a living with that saw and uses it all the time. All the pros I know that make a living cutting wood have backup saws. I didn't bother to tell him this or even argue. I just grabbed the saw and took it into the shop. When I hooked it up to the computer it revealed that it had 20 hours of run time in two years. If he makes a living with this saw he must have a really high hourly rate. I was kinda pissed after seeing this and asked Greg if he would take the saw back up front when I was done with it. I was afraid I'd say something smart and blow another sale they had worked out. Sometimes it's best to just separate yourself from these situations and that's what I chose to do. I mean the guy was such a dick that after he left the boss told me he was surprised I didn't tell him to piss off.
 After leaving work Saturday we went to a 50th wedding anniversary party.  We met some relatives that I hadn't seen since we were married 29 years ago. I'm quite the social butterfly and like to keep up with people every few decades or so.
 Sunday we rode through some heavy rain to visit a friend. It was one of those rides where you start and finish dry but somewhere in the middle of the ride you were wet. The outcome of that visit may be a used dishwasher purchase. I'll have to go back to pick it up because it wouldn't fit on the bike with my wife and she wasn't willing to hitch hike home. That ride also included a stop at the Harley dealer for some front brake pads. This will be the third set of fronts. I understand that most of my braking power comes from the front end and I exercise that every time I stop. Muscle memory will save you when you need to react.

 Monday after work I rode the sportster to meet my wife and some of her relatives. I took the sporty because I knew the driveway which is about a hundred yard long path through a field, was full of soft sand and ruts. Based on my performance with that smaller bike, I know I would have struggled or even dumped the Ultra. Seventeen years ago was the last time I was on that drive and I was on a Kawasaki Voyager. I almost got stuck and dumped that bike and didn't want to repeat history.
 When I left, there was an opportunity for me to stop for a minute and I was going to turn the bike off but the switch felt odd with a lot of resistance. This is the second or third ignition switch in this bike and I felt if I turned it off I would be stranded. I forgot about the switch and continued on my way. "My way" was the slow route home. Just chillin on lesser travel back roads. Lately I've really been taking it easy and driving around like a tourist. There was a time when I'd fly over this one lane bridge so fast that I'm sure those yellow and black signs were shaking. Today I actually slowed down enough to look at the creek flowing under it. Not sure whats going on here but I'm not holding anyone up or breaking any laws so for now I won't get too concerned.

  I can't decide if summer is going fast or slow this year. The calendar says we're into summer but the crap weather has made it feel earlier in the year. I think we may be in for some heat next week so my feelings may change on the matter.
 When I got home I parked the bike outside, opened the garage door and made a mental note of where the fire extinguisher was. I just had a bad feeling. When I tried to turn the ignition switch off it didn't want to move until I forced it a bit. The bike died and sparks started flying from behind the switch.

 There was no fire and I quickly unwired the switch from the power source. It's a good thing I was doing this at home because I'm sure my bacpac didn't have the necessary tools in it and there is no tool kit on the bike. Only recently did I remove the tool kit and I suppose I should get something back on there.
 Tuesday, Independence Day, was open. We wanted to ride and decided our destination should be the movie theater. Afterwards we stopped at Harbor Freight and picked up an air brush compressor. Stay tuned for more about that once I figure out how to use it. BTW, harbor freight and their stupid coupons are really pissing me off. I'm about ready to give them the FE.
 The rest of our Tuesday ride included a stop at a farmers market and a scenic joyride. Once home I fiddled around in the shop and then just sat down and relaxed. I'm looking forward to a short work week and another weekend.

Later.

Branding

 When it comes to branding, nobody does it better than Harley Davidson. The bar and shield is recognized world wide and appears on everything from genuine accessories to useless trinkets. It also appears as outerwear, underwear or even permanent ink on the bodies of many an enthusiast. The Motor Company has really got it figured out. We the consumer pay good money to advertise their brand.

 This post isn't about "us" or any desire to be part of a brand. I want to talk about the people that are actually paid to represent these brands. If we like a celebrity that represents a brand, then we maybe gravitate to that product. It works the other way too. What was the deal with Jeff Foxworthy in that super hero stuntman outfit representing Golden Corral? I hope he got paid well.
 My problem is with the paid employees we actually interact with. The people that work at the shops and dealerships. These people can take a good brand and absolutely foul up my perception of it. I own a HD Ultra Limited and I like it. I know what it can do and it makes me happy. It's the Lick Knobs at some stores that piss me off and lessen "the brand". Here's some advice for the owners of these shops. If you let your employees lie to customers and waste their time, you will lose those customers. I know because I'm an employee that represents a few different brands and we make every effort to satisfy the customer even when they are wrong. I should point out that not everyone I interact with is a "customer".
 Case in point. In a phone conversation, Lick knob A tells me they have a part in stock. After traveling quite a way to the store I discover that not only do they not have that part in stock, they have NEVER stocked that part. What the hell? As much as I wanted to go off on the lady at the counter, I knew she wasn't the one that I originally talked to on the phone. She was a perceptive old gal and could see I was on the verge of being one of those A-hole customers that didn't get the service they were expecting. I kept my cool and she did her best to locate the part at another store but struck out.
 And then I spotted Lick Knob B. This is the guy that was "helping" me when I walked into this shop a while back to buy the new Ultra. I had a lot of questions about the Rushmore models and this guy treated me like shit. A potential customer of a flagship bike shouldn't walk out feeling belittled and treated unworthy of the brand. He even implied that I couldn't afford the bike. Sure I was in my work clothes but so what. Who the hell did this guy think he was? I got even by purchasing the bike at a different dealership and I thought about that as I walked out during this visit. They got their second chance and blew it so I'm done with them.
 If you decide you want something then you have to decide where to spend your money. Is price always the deciding factor? Not for me. Sometimes I'll go out of my way to get a part if I need it now and other times I'll get a decent price and wait for it to be shipped to me. When I don't need the part right now then its about who I want to support. In this case I thought it was a nearby dealer but they pushed me away because of a few employees that don't get it.
 I won't name shops because I've found out that everyone doesn't get the same satisfaction from a given dealer. I may have a great experience at a place that you got snubbed at. That's why I usually give them a second chance but when you dick me around twice in a row then I'm done.

Rant over. Later.

Workshop Wednesday-The Strainer

  This new year resolution of not being a dickhead is working out pretty good. I'm a happy person and fun to be around! Well that's the way I see it anyway. I'm reminded by coworkers of every action I make that can be interpreted as slightly dickheadish. Bah, humbug. I don't need any negativity and this year everything goes through a strainer. No lumps in the gravy for me. Anything caught in the strainer gets tossed out and all that is left is lump free gravy for me.
 What does this mean? Basically I'm not putting up with stupid customer bullshit. If you don't have a clue on a certain topic and need educating, I'll help you with that. If you're a big mouth who thinks he's always right, yet I know you're wrong, I'm not pussy footin around your feelings. If you flat out lie I have no problem setting you straight and enjoying some lump free gravy.

 Customer A brings in a handheld blower that won't start. Right away I notice it has no compression. I pull the spark plug to find the cylinder scored all the way around. The fuel looks suspicious and when questioned, he states he mixed it correctly 2.6 ounces per gallon.....last year. This customer got an education. He was bummed about his equipment but passed through the strainer just fine.
 Customer B walks into the store complaining that I haven't sprayed the weeds in his lawn yet. He spouts a bunch of lies about who and when. I asked him when was the last day we didn't have rain or high winds and he just turned and said he was gonna find someone else. He was bluffing and was caught in my strainer. When he realized I was gonna let him walk he came back and asked to be kept on the list. In my opinion I was not being a dickhead. This is just weeding out the unwanted bullshit.
I haven't wiped the strainer clear of this one yet. He may pass through and turn out to be a good customer. Some of my best accounts are people I've butted heads with in the beginning. Sometimes you just need to establish boundaries so everyone knows where they stand. Some things take longer to pass through the strainer than others.
 Customer C buys a yard of mulch. After his trailer is loaded he claims he should get more material. It's easy to measure the trailer, do the math and show him he is getting exactly what he has paid for. Lets not even get into the fact that the loader bucket is one yard struck. This customer claims he got more material the last time he was here. I gave him a choice. I asked if he would like to pay for the extra he got last time or enjoy the fact that he got away with a little extra last time. He chose the latter. Does that make me a dickhead? He passed through as lump free gravy but I would have been just as happy to throw him out with the other lumps.
 Customer D calls on the phone a few weeks ago and asks what spark plug he needs for his hedge trimmer. That's exactly what he asked. I know he's standing at the counter of the auto parts store looking to buy from them but wants free info from us. Whatever. I say I need more info and he says it's a hedge trimmer. I'm thinking no shit and ask what brand and model? He stumbles a bit and finally decides it is a Stihl hedge trimmer. I know there's no way this rocket scientist will know the model but ask anyway. He insists they're all the same and I think to myself "If you're so fricken smart, why did you call?" I tell him I'm looking at the chart for all Stihl hedge trimmers and there are five different spark plug choices. He says. "Is Al there? He's the smartest one at that shop" I say, "Thanks for calling". Click. I don't know who this guy was and didn't let it bother me but I did tell the story to Al just in case he didn't know he was the smartest one of us.

 Yesterday a guy comes in the shop and is talking to Al and says he wasn't sure if he should come here because I was so rude to his freeloader ass on the phone. Once Al made the connection of my story with this guy all he could do was laugh. In fact he did a lot of laughing after the guy left. Ya maybe I was a bit of a dickhead for hanging up on him but how much of a dickhead is a guy that calls a business and wastes a techs time to get free info so he can spend his money with some other business.
 Just another lump caught in the strainer.

Rant over. Later.

Potpourri (In a Funk)

 Not really sad, just been busy trying to keep up at work. It's that time of season when I have to be in too many different places at once and am getting pressure from customers despite the fact that I haven't broken any promises (yet). The other day I was strong armed by a little old lady that must think I just sit at the shop and wait for the phone to ring so I'll have something to do. I tried to explain that she called in late and there were 18 kajillion people ahead of her. The conversation ending with me begging for her to give me until Monday (two weeks sooner than I planned) to spray the weeds in her yard. I think she must have been a hostage negotiator or used car salesman when she was younger. I must be getting soft because last week a second little old lady worked me over for $3 on a fertilizer quote. Come to think of it, both of those old gals used the hard of hearing routine to break me down. Ma'am, the price is $53. "what, $50?" No ma'am, $53. "$50?" $53, I said $53. "Did you say $50?" Yes ma'am, $50. "Ok, that sounds fair". Funny how she heard that part.
 Remember when I told you my new years resolution was to be less of a dickhead? Less means I can still be a dick once in a while and that held true this week when I had to fire two customers. One was for environmental reasons and the guy understood when I explained applications to his property could pollute the lake. The other one was monsignor dickhead himself. This guy screwed us over on a bill under the last owners reign and thought because I had a new boss it was ok for him to pull that shit again. I gave him the FE (F**k Em). It's funny, I actually take a highlighter and write in big letters FE on the work order and hang it over my desk. It makes me think I still have some control of this madness.
 I passed up three decent days this week to ride the bike to work. I just felt preoccupied. I think I can get through this busy season if I just schedule things in the right order. Take care of the big accounts, then the new ones that look like shit with all their weeds, then the loyal customers that have pretty clean yards right now and just get regular maintenance. Squeaky wheel gets the grease and put out fires in between.
 I know I've been preoccupied because the other day my wife caught me looking off into space and asked what I was thinking about. I replied "the maximum application rate of acelepryn insecticide".
Allllllllrighty then.

 Today is the Slimey Crud Run. If you're going, have fun. I'll be spending time with my wife on our 29th wedding anniversary. Happy Anniversary Honey!

 Just for fun I'll add a link to a funny skit from back when I used to like SNL. "We put a label on every bag. It says Kid, be careful, broken glass". Funny shit.

Later.

Record High?

 It usually happens at least once each winter, a day when temps get warm enough to justify rolling the bike out of the living room and take it for a frigid ride. Yesterday was such a day but it was special. Temps have been above normal all week and the roads are clear of snow and ice. We were set to break a record 50 degree high and those of us that ride were excited!
 I slept in till dang near seven thirty. I knew there was no reason to rush things as there would still be over night refreeze of melted snow piles that wash across the roads. After going through my morning ritual, pushing the bike out the front door was no big deal and took only a few minutes. I cleaned up a small oil spot on the wooden floor and we rearranged the living room furniture to "summer" mode.

 The bike got the usual once over to include fluid levels, air pressure and such. The only issue was a sticky carb float that fixed itself with a little persuasion from a hammer. After the bike was warmed up I threw a leg and started rolling away. As I pulled out of my drive I noticed a realtor across the street giving me a dirty look as a family was getting out of their car to look at the house for sale. All eyes were on me for some reason and this would have been a good place for a smokey burnout or wheelie, but as I stated in January, I was gonna try to be less of a dick head this year and I thought about that as I gingerly accelerated away.
 The bike ran pretty good for a 28 year old machine and hauled me about ten miles before I remembered I only added a splash of fuel that morning. While at the gas station another patron commented about how unusual it was to see a bike out in February. I looked at the boat he was towing and told him the same could be said about his boat and asked where he thought he was gonna float that thing today. He chuckled and said it was going to the dealer to be traded in. I quickly suggested he trade it in on a bike because it was a beautiful day for a ride. That didn't go over well as he stated he'd seen way too many people die on bikes. I wasn't in the mood for his debbie downer bullshit so I just commented that I'd bet the cause of death to those bikers was probably never from drowning. I thumbed the starter and rode off, I mean wtf? Nobody ever died in a boating accident?

 A quick stop for a selfie and to check ice conditions.

 It was pretty obvious I wasn't getting across that heave on the sporty. Good thing because I needed an excuse not to go out and do something stupid.

 I guess the sporty gobbled up much of that tank of fuel as I wandered around three counties just enjoying the bright sunshine. I stopped a few times just to stretch and kick some mud around. It was nice to step on some soil that wasn't frozen.
 I had been sick all week and was just starting to feel better and didn't want to jeopardize that, so I found myself at home earlier than expected. While dinking around in my shop, my wife came in and announced that a wall hanging had fallen and we needed a new sticky-back hanger. The nearest hardware store is almost twenty miles away so...back on the bike!

Later.

Why Won't My Saw Start?

 This is a story about a guy that thought he was doing everything right until I rained on his parade.

 So this guy shows up at my workbench with a chainsaw that wouldn't start. He was an elderly gentleman with just enough mechanical knowledge to get by but not enough to figure it out. He told me he pulled the spark plug for inspection and to check for spark. I'm told it was clean and grey and he did have a nice blue spark. His next move was to squirt starting fluid in the carb but still nothing. Not even a burp. He then decided to pull the spark arrestor from the muffler to see if it was blocked with carbon. I guess it was nice and clean with a grey tint to it. "I just don't understand why it won't start", he stated.
 At this point I had a pretty good idea what was wrong but I didn't yet know why. I told him he had a scored piston and a stuck ring, and this was resulting in low compression. Engines need a certain amount of compression to run. The unit was junk as repair costs would exceed the value of the saw. I pointed to the scrap metal dumpster but he didn't think that was too funny.
 I was getting that look. It's the look you get when the customer thinks you're just trying to sell new saws. I told him this failure was possibly from, among other things, a lack of lubrication. Now I was getting the look and attitude. He said he didn't believe it and proclaimed he only uses premium ethanol free gasoline and the best outboard motor oil money can buy.
 I believed every word of his story but now I knew the rest of the puzzle. As he ranted about the price and quality of his oil, I pulled the muffler off his saw. Sure enough, the piston was roached. The wannabe mechanic just couldn't believe his eyes. He used quality oil and mixed it with the precision of a pharmacist. I pulled the recoil slowly to allow viewing of the intake side of the cylinder and that wall was scored too. I wondered to myself how many buddies he bragged to about his use of that "quality" marine oil.

Just a generic image of a scored cylinder wall taken with a small inspection camera that connects to my phone.

 I don't like having to tell people they ruined their equipment. I don't get pleasure from this but come on, this stuff is right there in the owners manual. The sad part is most people think a chainsaw owners manual is really just meant to lay in the bottom of their saw case and soak up bar oil. The techies reading this saw the clues. For the rest of you I"ll point out that the grey color on the spark plug and spark arrestor screen was actually aluminum transfer from the cylinder/piston scoring. If you think the scoring was from the starting fluid that doesn't contain lubricating oil, you'd be wrong. The engine never ran on that stuff. The oil he did use was for marine use. That oil is not formulated to work on air cooled engines and will fail under the high temps and loads these chainsaw engines develop.
 Despite the fact that this guy snuck in the back door and I didn't have a work order to justify the time I spent with him, I took another minute or two to educate him on oil. I didn't sell him a new saw that day but as he left he shook my hand and I knew that even though I was the dick head that gave him the bad news, he'd be back and I had earned a new customer.

Later.

Workshop Wednesday-Damn Forklift

 About  six months ago I tore apart a forklift that needed a new head gasket. Things got busy at the shop and I chose to work on paying customer projects rather than this lift. We have three or four others so it wasn't even missed. There were a couple of factors that finally motivated me to get back on this project. One was the fact that it has been pushed around the shop a few times, the engine was opened up and parts may have been getting misplaced. Another was the fact that we have two going out on rent soon so we would technically be one short around here. The final deciding factor was that we have some guys in the shop that can't come up with any fresh material for their act and I was sick of hearing about the dead forklift in the shop.

 Somewhere in that mess is a forklift engine. I finished the repair and it has been running fine.  The better news is that I passed the torch to James and he can be the new forklift mechanic.

 I'm certain he'll make sure all repairs are done in a timely manner unlike the slow pace at which I perform them. Heck, he'll probably even do preventive maintenance on them so they never break down!
 Have a wonderful day.

Workshop Wednesday-Shop Stuff

 What am I gonna write about next? That question is asked of me all the time at the shop. Whenever something odd happens, "Hey you should put that in the blog". If I followed that advice I'd be talking about things like setting the clocks back. Everyone keeps looking at the clock and asking if it was turned back yet? At 4 pm it should be quitting time (5pm) but the clocks are turned back. One more hour of work. One more hour for the sun to go down and a dark ride home.

 Maybe I could tell you about the guy that came into the shop whining about his chainsaw that wouldn't stay running. "I just had you fix it in June". Yes our records show we replaced a fuel hose. We're pretty busy but I'll look into it right away. Turns out he had a whole lot of water in his fuel tank. You can't pin that one on me and you'll be getting a bill.
 I guess I could make a whole blog post about the torsion bars that wouldn't come off a chevy truck despite the efforts of four shop techs and a bunch of hammers ranging from small sledges to a large electric jack hammer. In the end the answer was to use a torch and replace a few parts.
 A story I like but am not gonna talk about is the one where Al screams like a little school girl. OK you twisted my arm, I'll give you the short version. Al and I were in a storage building looking for a radiator that might fit into a forklift repair. While balancing on a couple wobbling barrels, Al lifted the tarp off a wooden box to see what might be in there. To his surprise he was now face to face with a raccoon! (insert scream!) I laughed but kept my distance. The story quickly spread through the shop and it didn't take long before the young bucks went out there and (ahem) diffused the situation. (In Als defense, anyone not looking for a critter would have been just as startled.)
 What I thought I was gonna write about is my riding jacket. It's over ten years old and has tens of thousands of miles on it. I've had it for five different bikes and it has been to a few cool places and been through some really crappy weather. A lot of good memories were made wearing this jacket. Well just the other day the zipper broke.

  The zipper works but the pull tab broke off. It makes it hard to open and close and impossible to operate with gloves on. The rest of the jacket has a lot of life left in it so I looked at ways to fix the zipper.

 A little piece of wire and a key ring should get me by for now. I think it may be repairable. I'll have to look into that.
 What I really want to say is I'll be riding the bike to work again this morning and enjoying the above normal november temps. The forecast looks favorable for riding yet next week. Woohoo!

Workshop Wednesday-Leave My Shit Alone

 It's that time of year again. One of my roles at work is "Lawn Care Tech". That means I (along with my trainee James) make fertilizer and weed control applications to commercial and residential properties. To do this we need water. I have a spot where I can park the truck and trailer along the building right in front of a water spigot. I keep a hose attached and use it daily. I'd spot weld the fitting to the spigot but you know some a-hole on a forklift will run over the hose and cut it or smash the end. My solution has been to threaten anyone caught messing around with my garden hose.
 Ya I know this sounds trivial but consider this. I use that hose every day. No one else parks there. There are many other hoses available. That hose is a tool just like a wrench on my work bench. If you found it on my bench put the fucking thing back. I shouldn't have to dig through four other tool boxes to find my tool that you were too lazy to return to the place you found it. Deep breath.
 I submit to you this years tag found hanging on the hose. It's not as bad as past years where I threaten to hunt down evil doers and cut their nuts off, but I think I get my point across.

 I just had a thought. I'm gonna have a lot of barbed wire left over from the Rat Turd project. Maybe I can come up with a physical deterrent.

End.

Don't Hate Me Because I'm Fast

 I understand about not liking to get passed on the hiway. I don't travel slow so it doesn't happen often to me but when it does I feel like I've been put to shame. It's not pride in my ride. It's just a gearhead thing. That's how I know exactly why I got the bird the other day.
 I was on a state hiway traveling north on a warm sunny afternoon. The sportster and I were on a mission and didn't want to waste a lot of time in traffic. Unfortunately I rolled up on a "parade". My definition a of a parade is a long row of cars being led by one slow vehicle followed by a driver unwilling to pass. The car in the back of the line, right in front of me, was occupied by some younger gentlemen. Their ride was a small Asian car. Based on their unwillingness to pass and move up through the ranks I would say the extent of the mods to the car would be a shiny tail pipe, maybe a big air kit and some tunes. I could see the driver wanted to pass but he never took his shot. Twice I watched them throw away the opportunity.
 I wasn't interested in waiting around so I made my move. You know the routine. Pick off one or two at a time and keep on motoring. I passed our wannabe gangsters in their wannabe fast and furious car and slid in the opening ahead of them. This didn't agree with them and they closed the gap. At this point I didn't know if they wanted to play or if they were pissed. I didn't wait around to see how close they were actually gonna get and I made another pass. I noticed he was hugging the centerline looking to pass but the pussy never tried. I passed another eight or ten cars but he never came around. When I got closer to the big city the road split into two lanes each way. That's when ours friends finally caught up. The horn on my sporty is louder than the annoying little beeping directed at me. I guess they wanted to get my attention enough to notice they were flipping me off. A split second later they turned left and I never saw them again.
 OK, so I said I knew why I got the bird. When I was younger and got passed I had an immediate negative reaction that lasted a nanosecond. Well, maybe longer than that but never did it boil into road rage. If something is done to endanger me or others that would be different. I'm just talking about a display of power, nothing more. If I get blown away by something with real power then as a gearhead I'm just impressed.
 Why would our friends get so pissed? Was it because they were passed by a bike? What did they expect? If you're gonna pretend to have a fast car you can expect to be called out once in a while. If you think your car can take a bike then you better have a nice car. Even a 26 year old sportster can spank most cages.

 I've decided they were just a bunch of young hot heads. They'll get over it.

End.

Back Cracker

 I've got back problems. Bulged disc, degenerative disc disease, whatever they want to call it. When I built the Rat Turd I picked a seat that fit my ass. I trimmed it so it fit just right. I mounted the seat with its own pair of nitrogen filled shocks. I placed the hiway pegs in a spot that allows my spine to bend in such a way that it takes pressure off my nerves. I made the handlebars with just the right bends to be comfortable for me. I rode this bike three thousand miles in one week last year on vacation. It works for me and my back feels better after a ride.
  Here is a pic of the cast iron seat on the bike. It looks like torture but that's not the case at all.

 So the other day I roll up to the chiropractor's office. I pull into the first available stall and step off the Rat Turd. There was an elderly gentleman sitting in the car next to me with his window down. He must have been waiting for someone. He looks at the seat, looks at me, looks at the seat again and asks if maybe that seat is the reason I need the services of a chiropractor. He was kinda a dick. I mean it could have been funny but he said it with such a "holier than thou" tone in his voice and a judgemental look on his face.
 If someone that rides is truly curious then I offer all the info I just stated above. I was already running a little behind so as I was walking away I just told him "The key is in it. Find out for yourself".
  When I came back out the bike was right where I left it. I guess Mr. Knowitall didn't take me up on my offer.
 Moral of the story...Keep an open mind and don't be a dick.

Apes and Cows

 I wonder what they would do if the gate was open? Do you think they would still be so interested in the shiny red bike?

 I think they would come over and check it out. If they could, they'd ask a bunch of questions like "who makes Aprilia?" "Is that a Harley?" Well, all except that one cow dressed in black standing by itself. He's looking the other way pretending to not be interested. Probably smells like shit. Not even another cow will stand next to him. I can relate but I'd still be checking out the Italian iron. Do you know why? Because I like all flavors of bike.
 As the former owner of this Aprilia Futura, having logged over seventy thousand miles on it, I can tell you that a bike like this will generate a lot of interest. There are not a lot of them around and this pic doesn't do it justice but that red paint is different than any other red bike you've seen. When this bike stops for fuel, someone will say something about it. The owner, Mary-Anne, sent me the pic. She told me she is thinking about selling her whole stable of bikes and getting something different. I say go for it. Life is short and there are a lot of bikes out there to be enjoyed.
 This pic gets me thinking. I do things to my bikes that I like. I think a front fender made from expanded steel is kinda cool. The same goes for tail light mounts that remind me of the Sputnik satellite or an eagle on top of a sissy bar. Am I doing it for attention? No. I don't think so. These things are an expression of myself and can also be an ice breaker to strike up a conversation with people that would not normally come near me. Kinda like our friend in the cow picture.
  So after a little chat with a stranger, I'm no longer a dick head. I'm a dick head with a cool front fender.

 Rock on with yer bad self.

Workshop Wednesday-Propane Mowers

 I've been involved with lawn mowing and landscaping all my life. My first job out of high school was working for a local contractor fixing lawn mowers. Eventually I ended up on a crew, and then running a crew. He sold the business and I trained the new owners to cut grass. Ya I know its just cutting grass but like anything else you need to be efficient if you want to make money. They sold to someone else that I had to train and when they had enough and wanted to sell, I got out. That was eleven years or so and I wasn't interested in training another owner. Its kinda awkward actually. The next guy I went to work for was starting a new landscaping business and was looking for someone to handle the cutting, fertilizing and spraying. I ended up with enough accounts to create two cutting crews and a spraying crew. That ran for 17 years. I did a year for another contractor and now three years for my current employer.
 My point is, I'm no stranger to lawn and landscape equipment.

Husqvarna ztr on propane. This is a similar setup to what we run today. No, I don't wear a riding jacket when I mow grass. I rode the bike to the event. I can't believe I had to clear that up :-)

 One day many years ago, a local LP gas company was sponsoring a field day to show the benefits of running propane in a lawn mower. Obviously they were doing it to sell LP, but it was also an excellent chance to demo the latest equipment from most major manufacturers.
 When I decided to try out the Dixie Chopper zero turn mower I ran into a little problem. The mower deck raises and lowers with a single foot pedal. I couldn't get the deck to lower. Even though I wasn't familiar with this machine it was obvious to me the damn thing was broke.
 I continued to fight with the pedal but couldn't get anything to happen. The DC rep came over and started trying to explain to me how it worked. I showed him I was doing it like he said but it was broken or jammed.
 I should paint the picture a little better. Here we have reps from many major manufacturers who all claim their machines are better than the competition. These machines are lined up side by side in front of a field of long grass. They all wanted to prove their product was better than the next. The Dixie Chopper guys were bragging how fast their machines can go. They may even hold some kind of record, I don't know or care because it has nothing to do with real world lawn maintenance. Most people don't want to see you hauling ass across their yard. These Dixie Chopper guys showed up in the biggest, shiniest truck and thought their crap didn't stink so when I made the claim that their precious machine was broken, they started freaking out. "just do it like this" "do that" "you're not doing it right". By now they had three reps belittling me. One guy explained to me that I wasn't mechanically inclined enough to figure it out.
 I calmly explained to him that I fix lawn mowers for a living, run a crew and build some of my own equipment. I work with equipment every day. If you guys designed it in such a way that I can't figure it out then Joe Homeowner will never figure it out.
 That pissed him off and I was asked to dismount the machine. When this gentleman who claimed to have designed the deck lift couldn't make it work either I heard a few laughs from the competition. I stood there long enough to give them the opportunity to apologize but that never happened.
 They were still dickin around with it a half hour later.

 Dixie Chopper may or may not be a good machine...I don't know because I never got to take that test mow. I'll never know because after those three reps treated me like shit I decided they weren't an option, ever.