Wednesday, October 3, 2018

House Rules

 My wife and I have been empty nesters for a couple years now but that situation changed a few weeks ago when we welcomed our niece Stefany into our home. The reasons for her staying with us are not anything that needs to be discussed on this blog and the length of her stay is undetermined but should be at least the rest of this school year, or maybe the rest of high school. Because she is welcome to stay as long as she wants, I felt the need to post a quick set of rules that would better keep the peace between us. For the record, some of these rules are directed at my wife so these are really just guidelines for anyone staying in this house that doesn't want an ass chewing, or at least the stink eye. I don't think any of these are unreasonable requests.

1.  Pajamas are for inside the house. Pants are for outside the house. Its ok to wear pants inside the house but its not ok to wear pajamas outside the house.
2.  You can use any tools you find, just put them back where you found them. My memory is hazy but I know the last place I set any given tool and that's where I'm gonna look for it when needed.
3.  Anyone that spends the night more than two days in a row is no longer a guest. Grab a rag or a mop and help out a little.
4.  Open the fridge door, grab your shit and close the door. Don't stand there with the door open trying to decide if you want a snack.
5.  When taking off your shoes, don't just leave them in your wake. Put them away. My wife could trip over them and break a hip.
6.  I'm willing to sit down and discuss any problems you  may have but not during Packer games and episodes of Columbo.
7.  C's for grades are acceptable but not desirable. F's are just a sign of being too lazy to do the work.
8.  The snooze button is evil and doesn't help you get any quality sleep. It also pisses off everyone else in the house. Set the alarm for the time you want to get up and when it goes off, get your ass out of bed.
9.   Don't forget to feed the cats. If Pasha is loitering in the kitchen then its probably dinner time. If Oliver is in the kitchen giving you the stink eye then its probably past their dinner time.
10. Don't be a dick.

 Pretty simple guidelines I think. I see we've been testing the waters with rule #1 already. I'm gonna let that one slide this time because your aunt may have had some involvement in that. She has her own rules for me. They aren't written down anywhere or even been verbalized but I've hung around her long enough to know what they are. I'm pretty sure my own rule #10 applies to me in this situation.


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